You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
