That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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