Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
