I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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