No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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