Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
