ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
