I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
