why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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