Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
