im drinking this country out of the recession.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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