Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
