You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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