i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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