Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
bring money and cleavage
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
