we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
