There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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