the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it because I queefed?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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