I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
