how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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