When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
