Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
