My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
