Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
