how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
