I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
