fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize