I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
