But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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