I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
