You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
