i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
