3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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