this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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