Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
