Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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