Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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