Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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