I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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