wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
