So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
