i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
