Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
