Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
