i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
