Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You're like the curious george of whores
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
