you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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