i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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