I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
