But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
