i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
