She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
