Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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