the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
