Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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