I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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