Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
