the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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