you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
