I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize