Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
