fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize