So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I sprained my soul last night
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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