It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
