He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
