Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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